I’ve learned a lot about building community and finding friends. I was a shy kid in elementary school, mostly sticking to early friendships, until those same friends eventually turned against me. It was painful, but it built character, pushed me beyond my friendship bubble, and I’ve never looked back.
A personal guide to building friendships
Finding friends as an adult, or young adult, is much more difficult than high school, where you see your friends every day and share classes. Bishop’s University combines a tight-knit community with the first steps toward adult independence. Luckily, most people attending Bishop’s are at similar life stages, making it easier to find friends with shared interests. I seek friends to share interests and have fun debates, but ultimately, friendship is about choosing the community you want.
Finding community
The best place to start in building a community of friends is by deciding what you want and what you prioritize. By setting your university priorities, you’re already spotting the “common interests” I mentioned. Having friends with similar priorities—whether it’s partying, studying, or relaxing—helps you figure out who fits best in your community. Friends who drag you to parties aren’t the same as those who host relaxed Friday game nights. No group or activity is better, but to get the experience you want at Bishop’s, find people who share your interests. If you don’t, you may end up resenting the friends you currently have.
Finding friends has more to do with courage and shared interests than with participating in everything possible. Strong friendships can grow from shared classes, meals in the dining hall, or cheering on the Gaiters. Finding these friends requires courage, because building a community requires effort. Talking with neighbors, asking questions, and sharing interests are easy ways to find common ground. Having the courage to do these three is already a great start to finding friends.
Feeling at home at Bishop’s University
Here’s a hard truth: living on campus in Residences helps establish friendships much more quickly than living off-campus. This is why O-week is so important to building friendships. As students gather based on how “hard” they want to go during O-week, groups naturally begin to form around different priorities. Residence and Dewhurst friendships often feel high school-like, based on proximity and routines rather than depth.
Having courage to share parts of yourself is the foundations of friendship. Shared interests bind together many unlikely motley crews, friendships that last far beyond graduation. Here are some simple things to do that help begin finding friends:
- Introduce yourself: I know it’s obvious, and you don’t need to do it with everyone, but first impressions matter.
- Talk to your peers after or outside of class: Joining a study group or asking a question usually reveals common ground with classmates.
- Pay attention: Many people will display their interests on through what they wear or carry, like a lock screen or keychain. I’d suggest confirming if it’s your common interest with a friendly, “Hey is that…”
- O-Week: If you can participate in the fall O-Week, finding new people can be a little easier. Three group types: relaxed, moderate, and “hard” party-goers. Choosing a group that aligns with your priorities makes it much easier to find people who want a similar university experience.
- Residence Events: If you live in residence, your building will regularly host events throughout the year. These are great opportunities to meet new people, especially those living close to you. Residence Life also hosts community-wide events like the Dodgeball Extravaganza, Gait Gatsby, Sexapalooza, and other smaller activities year-round.
- SRC Events and Extra: These are some of the easiest ways to find like-minded people, and they’re open to everyone at Bishop’s. There are many clubs, associations, and communities tailored to different interests. Events run by the SRC and its clubs are built around the idea of creating community.
My final note on courage and finding friends is simple: you have to talk to people if you want to make friends.
